What Can You Expect In A Partner?

What Can You Expect from a Partner/Relationship?
Occasionally we find people give very critical feedback about the people they have met. We don't shock easily. We areunderstanding of this person's situation.

There are two common reasons for a very critical report about others:
1 The critical person usually has a low self esteem. Their criticism is most often a projection of themselves. They are unhappy with themselves, their own characteristics and behavioural patterns.

The overweight woman knows she is overweight and is angry with herself for not doing anything about it and is prepared to blame everyone else. "It's Entre Nous' fault. They introduce me to the wrong people". Entre Nous has the problem of trying to find men who like overweight, angry women.

We can assure you there are very few men who are attracted to overweight women. 'Slim' is top of a man's list - even above 'attractive'.

We can judge whether a person will soon form a relationship by their feedback. A person with good feedback about everyone likes her/himself is positive and has a high self esteem. A person with high self esteem sees the 'good' in everyone. A person with low self esteem can only see a glass half empty.

2 There is also the critical person who is expecting Mr/Ms Right first up regardless of the fact that we have explained very carefully that the Entre Nous program is a process. Firstly we need to learn about our members. Are they ready for a relationship or is it going to be a long haul preparing them for it?

If we could provide the perfect person first up we would offer a program with one introduction rather than 12. However we cannot and many people need the practise of engaging with many people before they have developed a more open attitude and a less self-focused personal behaviour to be able to attract other single people to them.

The person expecting Mr/Ms Right each time makes it quite obvious that they are only looking for the Right Person and are not prepared to make friends with anyone else. They actually say to us, "I don't need any new friends; I have plenty of friends. I only want to meet Mr/Ms Right!" Can you believe it?

This is projecting that their life is perfect with the perfect number of friends and cannot be improved in any way. It is projecting that they do not value people and there is no room for improvement in their lives even though they have joined Entre Nous because they don't have a partner.

Unfortunately when they do meet the perfect person – it usually turns out that he/she is also looking for the perfect person.
So what can you expect from the people you are meeting through Entre Nous? Firstly look at yourself.

Ask yourself the following questions:
Are you happy with your job? If yes you can expect a person who is also happy in their career. (If you answer 'no' then you will probably have to settle for someone who complains about their work and never does anything about solving the problem?)

Are you happy with what you see in the mirror? Look in the mirror stripped off – look at your rear with a hand mirror if you are a woman or at your gut side on if you are a guy.

Are you happy with what you see in the mirror – you are fit, healthy and trim? Good then you have every right to expect a person who is also trim. You will probably have lots of fun staying trim together, jogging, walking, cycling or playing sport.
(On the other hand if you are not happy with your size, unfortunately that is all you can expect from a partner. A person who is also laxadasical about their health.)

Many men with a pot gut still want to meet a woman who is slim. He is used to his 'pot gut' and doesn't realise how bad it looks yet is quick to complain about a woman who has a large 'but'.

What he doesn't realise is that not only do women find 'pot guts' unattractive but they also know that men with a 'pot gut' are most likely to end up with heart disease, cancer or high blood pressure resulting in a stroke.

Women who have been married before are inclined to think: "I got away with this size with my husband so my figure is OK". They have become used to their excess weight. They have convinced themselves they cannot lose it.

Single women in their late thirties and early forties who have allowed the bulges to creep whilst focusing on their career, say to us at Entre Nous: "You know I never seem to meet the type of guy I can relate to on a deeper level. Unfortunately guys don't want to relate to an overweight woman no matter how pretty her face is.

There were no fatties in the prison camps. So it is possible to lose weight. Overweight people just don't want to exercise. If they start an exercise program, they overdo it for a week then lose interest. It tires them out, especially if they overdo it.

I worked for Gloria Marshall Weight Loss Clinics in the eighties, so I have heard every reason why a person can't lose weight. There are literally hundreds of excuses but only two reasons – lack of exercise and poor diet.

Weight loss is one of those things that takes patience and time and does not happen without exercise. It usually takes as long to lose weight as it did to gain it.

Accept that it won't come off fast or if it does it usually goes on again just as quickly. The body needs time to adjust to a new physique so allow it time to adjust.

How is your financial situation? If you manage your finances well no doubt you are seeking a person who also manages their finances well so that they are not a financial drain on you.
If you do not manage your finances well, are you seeking a partner to rescue you? We find that like attracts like. If you wear your last dollar on your back you will most probably attract someone of a similar ilk.

Have you heard people say about a couple "They each thought the other was wealthy"? It happens many times that people who appear to be wealthy attract people who also appear to be wealthy. The day of realization usually comes after they are well and truly entrenched.

Are you ready for loving relationship? Everyone says yes to this question but often what they mean is they want a loving relationship. A loving relationship requires more than many people appreciate.

To have a loving relationship one must have:
(a) A balanced lifestyle
Time for others – friends and family – time for relaxation, time for your health and fitness, time for those less fortunate than yourself and time to spend with prospective partners.

The reason many people come to us, and often too late, is because whilst studying and pursuing a good career they have neglected the rest of their lives. They have not managed their lives well. They have not created a balance for themselves.

They come to Entre Nous for help to get them out of the hole they are in. We are happy to help but coaching a person to change their lifestyle takes time and most people are seeking an instant cure.

(b) A generous nature
When you are seeking a partner you will be seeking the qualities of the 'fruits of the spirit', love joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness and self control. Other people are also seeking these qualities for an ideal relationship.

Unless you are in the habit of (i.) giving to or working for charity, (ii.)spending time with the family, (iii.) giving up time to help out friends and family, (iv.) stopping to listen to others your life would be too self-focused to attract the type of person you are seeking.

Many people who are selfish put on a good show and like attracts like therefore they attract a selfish person who also puts on a good show.

I have noticed that a mean person marries another mean person. An uncharitable person marries an uncharitable person and a selfish person marries a selfish person because like attracts like.

In every case it was not intentional that they sought a mirror image of themselves. That is just how life works out.

Some people come to Entre Nous, hell bent on finding "the" partner urgently. We find the most successful clients are the ones what those that are prepared to accept the process, learn about themselves, enjoy the meetings and have a positive attitude.

The successful people treat others as they would like to be treated, are positive, non-judgmental and become popular.
Stop worrying about finding Mr/Ms Perfect. If you relax and behave like the ideal partner Mr/Ms Perfect will find you.

To find out your personality type: click here
To find out "Are you ready for a relationship?": click here
Books by Rosalind Baker (nee Neville) Dial A Woman, Dial A Man & Dial A Personality: See our books
Questions: See our FAQ

Keywords: Partner, relationship, dating, singles, introductins, single woman, single man

For more information, please contact:

Rosalind Baker (nee Neville), Principal
Telephone: (03) 9669 6000 or 0402 017 243
Email: rb@entrenous.com.au

Books by Rosalind Baker (nee Neville):
Dial A Woman, Dial A Man & Dial A Personality

Questions: Frequenty Asked Questions