Instant Chemistry by Rosalind Baker

"I can tell immediately whether there's going to be a connection with a woman". This statement comes from, 'every man who has difficulty finding the right single woman'.

To clarify this statement let me define 'every man who has difficulty finding the right woman': mainly a man who has been on his own for more than two years yet is anxious to form a relationship.

At Entre Nous dating service we know that there are ample women available in Melbourne and should a guy be on his own for more than two years (but not out of choice), then he is having difficulty attracting the right woman. That's where our Entre Nous dating service can assist but first we have to convince him that he cannot tell immediately whether there's going to be a connection.


We agree that he could tell when he was 18 – 20 years old. However maybe he still thinks all he needs is a pretty face or a shapely figure to make him happy. That's all he probably needed in his youth but on maturity he has many more needs that must be catered for to make him happy.

He wants: a companion who is fun – a playmate – whom he can relax with and enjoy life. He wants her to take an interest in his interests, maybe he wants a good cook, a sympathetic ear, someone who will welcome his family, nurture him when the little boy inside needs to be heard.

He wants his woman to pander to his ego no matter how small it is. He also wants to be able to trust her, believe in her and respect her values. He wants a soul mate – a best friend. He needs a woman who will respect him, respect his values and above all love him unconditionally.

Can he tell all that immediately? No, of course he cannot, nor would we expect him to be able to. Whilst the not-so-successful guy is anxious to find the woman with instant chemistry or what we at Entre Nous dating service call 'short term needs' he unfortunately doesn't realise that once a man has matured, instant chemistry will not be sufficient to meet his long term needs.

Many of these not-so-successful guys are seeking a woman who looks just like his first girlfriend, the one he had at 17 years. When he finds her, what usually occurs is that she wakes up to the fact that his needs are too superficial.

She does not feel valued in the way she wants to be valued therefore the relationship will fizzle out. Many of the not-so-successful guys come to Entre Nous dating service with a history of serial relationships.

We find he does not have female friends other than ex-girlfriends. He probably did not have sisters close to his age and may have attended an all-boys' school. His main problem is that he considers women a date or not a date. He looks at all single women this way. He has not learned to develop friendships with women.

Until he learns to develop friendships with women so that he can be her soul-mate and best friend his sexual relationships don't last. This is a tall ask for the man who thinks he can 'tell immediately if there is going to be a connection'.

However most men we meet at Entre Nous Dating service are intelligent and understand that if they can change their behaviour they can change their feelings too. A good example was Bill who said to me at our first interview, "I've been out with 15 women this year, what makes you think that Entre Nous can provide me with the perfect partner?"

Bill happened to be in our building earlier this year. He wondered whether I remembered him. I reminded him of our first conversation. He looked like a different person, younger, healthier and so relaxed. Once he relaxed and learned to enjoy the company of women and stopped looking for an instant connection he found his Ms Right in no time and so can you.

Books by Rosalind Baker (nee Neville) Dial A Woman, Dial A Man & Dial A Personality www.entrenous.com.au/books

Questions: www.entrenous.com.au/faq

For further reading:
The Truth about Love by Pat Love, Ed. D pub. By Simon & Schuster
Are You the One for Me? By Barbara De Angelis pub. By Element

To find out your personality type: click here
To find out "Are you ready for a relationship?": click here
Books by Rosalind Baker (nee Neville) Dial A Woman, Dial A Man & Dial A Personality: See our books
Questions: See our FAQ

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For more information, please contact:

Rosalind Baker (nee Neville), Principal
Telephone: (03) 9669 6000 or 0402 017 243
Email: rb@entrenous.com.au

Books by Rosalind Baker (nee Neville):
Dial A Woman, Dial A Man & Dial A Personality

Questions: Frequenty Asked Questions