Case History - Shyness

Shyness

Trevor was 31 when he came to Entre Nous. He could not look me in the eye he was so shy. He nodded his head in response to my questions or shook his head. He rarely spoke.

Trevor had no sisters and went to an all-boys school so he had very little experience in relating to women. Although he had been advised to meet his introductions for a quick coffee and then tee up something simple like a bike ride or a game of tennis, he was so keen he invited the first woman out on a day's outing.

She said it was the longest day she has ever experienced, getting words out of him was like drawing blood out of a stone.
Although we had given him a few handy tips at his New Member's Briefing, maybe he didn't absorb it all, shy people are so self-focussed they don't always hear what others have to say.

I called Trevor in to meet with me for an intense Overcoming Shyness Session.

• I suggested that he make his meetings brief so that women did not have time to discover that he was shy. A coffee the first time and over coffee tee up a bike ride, a game of tennis or visit Sunday Markets none of which require too much conversation.

• I showed him a little trick so that he appeared to be looking people in the eye when he wasn't actually doing so. People would think he was meeting their gaze. This would overcome his embarrassment and shyness and the person he was engaging with would be none the wiser.

• I gave him an exercise to do prior to making a phone call to a woman to loosen his jaw. When one is nervous one's voice is likely to sound like a high pitched squeak instead of one's normal well modulated tones. This exercise corrects this completely.

• Together we practised responding with words instead of nods and shakes of the head.

• I asked Trevor to practise speaking to every woman he met from 9 to 90 years, married or single, just to become more familiar with talking to women.

• He agreed to meet 4 women per month for the next three months instead of the obligatory 1 – 2 per month.

Next time he came in to Entre Nous for a review, Trevor had a spring in his step, he showed enthusiasm, he was alive. He had fallen in love with an Italian girl who was a public speaker. He even looked better looking. The fear lines had disappeared and he looked relaxed.

When he came to visit Entre Nous two years later to show us their new baby, I couldn't get over how he had changed, he had developed a loud voice too. His wife's large family all spoke loudly and to get a word in edgewise he had got into the habit of speaking quite loudly. There was certainly no sign of his shyness.

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Keywords: first woman, first date, dating, single women, in love, fallen in love, Ms Right, talking to women

For more information, please contact:

Rosalind Baker (nee Neville), Principal
Telephone: (03) 9669 6000 or 0402 017 243
Email: rb@entrenous.com.au

Books by Rosalind Baker (nee Neville):
Dial A Woman, Dial A Man & Dial A Personality

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