Ten Steps to Finding Mr Right

1 Know what you want. Do a list of all the features and characteristics that you require in a partner. Once you have a list of your ideal man, it is much easier to find him or recognise him when he finds you. Here are a few guidelines:

(a) Appearance. How important is his appearance? If it is, add it to your list. Remember looks don’t last forever. Do you divorce him when his looks fade?

(b) Presentation - Is grooming important? Grooming can be learned. You can teach him to present well and be well groomed.

(c ) Personality - Is personality more important than looks.

(d) Values - It is vitally important to have a partner with similar values who is heading in the same direction. What are your values? What do you want out of life?
What is your life plan? Know these things so that you will recognise them in your man.

(e) Characteristics - Are you seeking a man who is compassionate, kind, caring, loyal, honest, trustworthy, respectful, egalitarian, a good communicator, easy going, with a good sense of humour and good fun? They are the main characteristics that my clients ask for. Create your own list.
(f) Age, education level, religion, political leanings, family background – If any of these are important add them to your list. Remember it is important to be flexible.

(i.) Highlight those features that are important to you with a yellow highlighter.

(ii.) Keeping in mind that you must be flexible, highlight are ultra important features with an orange highlighter.

(iii.) Now, imagine it is December 2004 and you are still single, only highlight with a blue highlighter the features that if you can’t have you would rather go without. Memorise the blues features only.

2 Now that you know what you want in a man, you also know what your man is seeking. If he is stunning looking, he will expect you to be also. If he is in perfect shape, he will expect the same from you. If he dresses elegantly, he will be expecting the same in a woman. If he is compassionate, he will be expecting a compassionate woman. Style yourself on what you are seeking in a partner to be able to attract the man of your dreams. If you want a man who is tertiary educated and you are not, remember he will probably want a woman with whom he can intellectualise.

3 You have to be out there. He won’t come knocking on your door. If your wish is to find a partner in the year 2004, you will have to be where you can be found. Write up a plan of how you intend to be in all the places that a single man will be looking for a woman and even places he does not look but where you can find him. The local tennis or golf club, maybe a cycling or bushwalking club are great places to begin looking. Join a Rotary Club near you, they are full of men. If you want a partner with a social conscious, join at least one charity club because that is where you will find him.

4 It’s not a case of selecting him - it’s a case of being popular. A common mistake made by women is to think that finding a partner is a selection process. It is not, it is a matter of being popular. A relationship is a giving, loving thing; hence, a man is seeking a giving, loving woman. The women who thinks that finding a man is a process of elimination misses out, because when she finds a man of interest he will not be interested in her. His subconscious mind will communicate to him that she is only out for herself. He will go for the woman who is nice to everyone, who allows all men into her sphere on a friendship basis. I have never had a man ask for "a very choosey woman".

5 Be prepared – always. Single woman never wear daggy clothes to the market. They never go out without make-up or with their hair not done. Only married women can get away with that. Single women belong to a gym or exercise so that their figure is trim. Single women don’t look matronly or mumsie, they regularly visit a good hairdresser. Single women have regular make-ups so that they know the latest techniques. Single women use an image consultant or are naturally good at fashion and styling. Single women behave in a feminine, ladylike manner always. They remember their manners and never swear. They also work hard at controlling their temper.

6 Don’t waste men, they are a valuable commodity. If a man does not interest you, do not discard him, he could be just right for your best friend. Also, his best friend could be your Mr Right and you will never know unless you befriend him. Do not eliminate men, collect them. As your collection grows so, will your popularity. When you do meet the type of man you are after, he will be impressed by your popularity.

7 Don’t rely on your instant judgment, give him time. The man who wears his heart on his sleeve, or impresses you with his wonderful character on the first meeting has probably shown you all his cards. That is probably all there is to him. Whereas the man of good character does not have to boast and one may have to dig deep to find his good points. Beware of the man who tries too hard to impress. If you are not impressed, give him time. If you find an initial fault, it may be his only fault and his good points will more that make up for it, but you won’t know all that about him unless you are prepared to give him time. Maybe that is why you are still single, because you let good men slip through your fingers too easily – maybe you are too quick to judge.

8 Trial a friendship before a relationship. A common error with single women is to judge every man they meet as a prospective Mr Right. By doing this they are too quick to judge and rule most men out. Whereas on the other hand, should you not worry about whether men are Mr Right, just make friends and trial a friendship, you will not only increase the selection pool but you will become popular as well. If you are popular with the men, Mr Right will want to know what it is about you that attracts so many men. He loves a challenge and by being popular, that is what you are presenting him with – a challenge. You can only do this by making friends with all the men you meet.

9 Allow for the horrendous gaffs men make that we would never make. When a man is nervous or shy, he makes huge gaffs. We never make mistakes in their company so we find it hard to understand how they could be so stupid. He is probably making mistakes because of you. You probably make him nervous because he is interested in you. That is no reason to dismiss him just because you are not interested. Remember he could be just right for your girlfriend or his best friend may be your Mr Right. Adding him to your list of friends will increase your popularity. Learn to be more tolerant of men’s mistakes so that you will be naturally tolerant when your Mr Right appears.

10 If you seek a friend, be one. Do and be unto others as you wish them to do and be to you. Look at yourself in the mirror that is what you can expect out of life. Be less discriminating, it does not mean you will end up with what you don’t want in a partner; it will mean that you will open the doors wider to give you a wider selection. You can open doors for yourself by making a habit of speaking to everyone. Then you will not be afraid to speak up when you meet an attractive man. Opening the doors wider is self-generating, increasing your chances. People bring people. Host dinner parties, Sunday soirees, organize picnics, have an open house to your friends. Single women don’t rely on others to host parties they do it themselves.

One final tip, for those women who want to get married, do not consider a sexual relationship with Mr Right until the wedding date is set and you are wearing his engagement ring. Why would he want to marry you if he can have it all without marriage?