Do You Fear Rejection?
by Rosalind Neville
Do you have a nagging inner fear of rejection? You have been rejected before? Your last relationship ended with unkind words? Things were said to justify a split, that were not only sole destroying but left an open wound? A wound that you continue to nurse unhealed?
Only you can heal that wound by lifting your self esteem. To be a successful salesperson, lesson number one is to learn to handle rejection; not let it phase you. Many salespeople believe that at the end of a long list of rejections is an acceptance. A good salesman forgets the previous negative responses, believing that each new prospect is certain to generate a sale. If this one does not buy, provided you gain his trust and friendship, he may introduce you to someone who does want your product or service.
Too often, when off to meet a new date we have preconceived ideas of what that person is seeking. Fearing we will not meet with his approval or will not be able to live up to his or her expectations, can mar our appeal.
When I hear a client say, `He or she was not my type anyway', I know by that one word `anyway', that they did not put their best foot forward. Their attitude got in the way. They may be right, he may not be their type, but when Mr or Mrs Right does come along, it will be very difficult to change that attitude. The clients with the positive attitude have decided that they are giving 100 percent to their new date. They approach the encounter believing that this one might be `it'. If it is not, at least they will have made a new friend who can possibly introduce them to a whole new circle of people.
I have a girlfriend who is about 30 kilos over weight. She is very attractive, intelligent, well dressed with a bubbly personality. She is single and expressed an interest in meeting one of my clients with a view to a permanent relationship. Many of my male clients are looking for a woman with sylph like proportions but being so fond of my friend I was determined to find one who either preferred a decidely more rounded figure or whose main criteria was for a bubbly personality and a kind nature.
I must admit, I took up the challenge with a slightly negative attitude myself, and made the mistake of introducing her to two of my clients, in the hope that at least one would appreciate her for your many good qualities and not be phased by her avoir du pois.
You can guess the outcome, both men were captivated by her charms. If there is a reader of large proportions, early forties, who would be interested in meeting a successful, self-made Southern Italian gentleman of 55 years, who enjoys the beach and rural life, please contact me; with a view to marriage.
Because each of us is unique and perfect in the eyes of our maker, you can be assured that there is the ideal partner out there for each and every one of us. If at first the responses to an advertisement in Single Life do not attract suitable candidates, restructure your advertisement to include your idiosyncrasies and what you may consider to be flaws: one man's meat is another man's poison and vice versa.
In order to maintain a high self-image it is vital that one behaves in a manner that will not only demand the respect of one's partner for the evening, but also your own self-respect. One client, to my alarm described each of her introductions as `sleaze-bags'. Men, whom other women - including myself - had found to be perfect gentlemen, successful, well presented, interesting and articulate. Eventually, quite by chance, I discovered that it was her own behaviour that she was inadvertently describing as being in the sleaze-bag category.
Don't let it be said of you, that `your lack of education is more than compensated for by your keenly developed moral bankruptcy'.
If you are seeking a long-term relationship, it is important to behave in an appropriate manner, whether that particular companion is suitable or not. If you behave unbecomingly while out with unlikely prospects, when Mr or Mrs Right comes along you will find it difficult to change your behaviour; resulting in disappointment.
To develop your self-esteem, rather than concentrating on your weaknesses, build on your strengths. Are you sensitive? Many people believe that they are sensitive. Sensitive to one's own feelings or to others'? Making a conscious effort to be aware of your new partner's feelings will not only take your mind off yourself but win you brownie points and enhance a positive self-image.
Should your prospective partner suffer from shyness, take up the challenge. Your efforts at conversation will not be returned unopened if you have done your homework ie. memorise the interests he mentioned in his advertisement. Seek out his strengths. If you want to get the best out of anyone, you must look for the best in them.